Good Times History: Hey Guerilla Bastard

Yeah you know I got your attention with that one dudes. My last post put me on to something...the documentation of events, hijinx, speeches, and or anything else awesome or notable that happened at BYU. Basically I am creating an archive right here on this blog. This post will feature an email detailing an event that happened to Howard in the Summer of 2005. This was an email from Howard to me with the subject heading "Re: Hey Guerilla Bastard". Here it is:

"Well this is the deal. I didin't want to tell you because I thought you
might laugh so hard you'd crap your pants, but here goes. I put the gorilla
suit on late ont he 4th and was walking around with some girls from our
ward, we walked past the devonshire dumpster and there was like a half a
dozen punk kids messing around it and so I busted in doing gorilla stuff.
Then they come out and all of them start jumping all over me bumping me with
thier chests. So I didn't like it and I didn't want to KMA them because
they were just dumb kids, so I reached down and grabbed one of the kids nuts
and squeezed really really hard. The stupid kid falls right to the ground
screaming "the gorilla grabbed my nuts!" And they all run away. It was
ridiculous man."

I almost did crap my pants when I read that one. I was in Cairo and the email gave my life there some much needed hilarity.

Also, I remember hearing that the "girls from our ward" were foreign chicks. The whole thing is typical old Howard.

Dan

President Lincoln even greater than previously thought?

So I've been reading a book called Lincoln's Quest for Union and the final section of the book deals with his attitude towards humor. The following was one of Abraham's Lincoln's most oft-repeated jokes and, I believe, gives us further insight into his greatness:

At a party not far from here a fine table was set and everyone was having a grand time. Among the guests was our man of audacity, who was confident, self-possessed, and never off his guard. After some dancing, promenading, flirting, and so forth, dinner was served and the man of audacity was placed at the head of the table to carve. With everyone surrounding the table the man whetted the blade and set to work. But he expended too much energy, for he let go a large fart. Everyone heard it and was shocked. Silence reigned. But the audacious man was cool and self-possessed. He calmly took off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, put his coat deliberately on a chair, spat on his hands and rubbed them together, squared his shoulders, and picked up his knife, all without a smile or a movement of the muscles in his face. "Now by God," he said, starting to carve the turkey again, "I'll see if I can't cut up this turkey without farting."

Restaurants in Tempe

This is a special message for Jennejohn.

There's a restaurant here in Tempe called Sucker Punch Sallies. That's right, dude. I've never been in there, but I run past it all the time. We could totally lure those nancy pants from the shodokan club in there and punch 'em in the gut.

Mark

A History of Songwriting

I just wanted to point out that we actually have a long history of songwriting and I feel that it is my duty to begin a record of the songs we have written over the years. Here's a list in what I think is chronological order:

1) California = Murder (written by Dave and I during a memorial weekend drive down to L.A. when most of you nancies were still on missions.)

2) Murder Death Kill (Done by Jordan and Steel? Story behind this?)

3) Smooth Magic Smooth (title inspired by some bald head cream rub for black men that Howard bought. Elaborated upon by Dave and I during our BYU vending days.Parental Advisory, explicit lyrics)

4) Dave Matthews Band. (Dave. I think when he was getting over almost dying)

5) On a Bus Somewhere in England. (Dave. Inspired by some jokers singing in the cougar eat)

6) I can't remember the title of the next song but Dave wrote it about Howard filling his pants right after a girl said hi to him, right after that acutally happened and Howard came home, told us about it, and didn't change his pants. Dave help me out.

7) No Goils (No Nuffin!) (Tyler Cobabe (with some lyrical inspiration from myself). He came up with it when we both had girlfriends and it was a Friday night and weren't doing anything with them. I think this was Howards favorite)

8) In the Steam Room. (A hip-hop number by Cobabe and myslef. We pretty much came up with it off the cuff)

8) The Aegean Sea. (A number by Cobabe and Mark. Not sure what inspired it.)

9) The Bad A#$ Lamp of Knowledge. (All Cobabe)

10) Despite All of My A's (The World is Our Campus). (Cobabe and I. Can't remmember where it came from. We may have actually been trying to write something for a hypothetical Divine comedy performance that would have actually been funny but it turned out being way too over the top as was usually the case with anything Cobabe said. Explicit Lyrics.)

11) Alexander the Great. (Cobabe and I. Can't remember where this came from.)

12) Spending the Night with you (All Night Long) (Everybody but Dave and inspired by Howard.)

13) Girls Just Want to Have Fun. (Cobabe and Mark wrote this so they could some into my room and sing it while holding hands and dancing around in circles. Oh wait, they didn't write the song themselves but they did actually do that...more than once...and I think Alan was involved as well.)


That's all I can remember right now. There could easily be more but we got enough here for a whole album dudes. Why we are still trying to make it in the world with "respectable" desk-type jobs I don't know.

Later guys. You're awesome.

Songs Are Good

So we're having another song writing challenge. This time Jordan came up with the topic and you can check it out at http://www.rocktastica.blogspot.com/
All that are man enough to participate should participate. Previous Challenge winners have jumped over cars. While people that have previously wussed out have been known to cry like a little girl when they've seen someone jump over a car.

I just Can't Stop Loving You

In case none of you have heard this song. You really should. The first 40 seconds are Michael Jackson doing a kind of spoken word thing in a breathy whisper. Here's what he says.

I just wanna lay next to you for a while
You look so beautiful tonight
your eyes are so lovely
your mouth is so sweet
a lot of people misunderstand me
that's because they don't know me at all
i just wanna touch you and hold you
I need you
I need you
I love you so much

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tai2j3dVSUQ

What this City is Built on